Tuesday, May 24, 2005
had the funeral today. signed out of school at 9.50am. put our bags in the music studio. got ready to leave for bishan. mdm nora told me to bring my clarinet along to the funeral. on the bus i warmed up with jupiter hymn, exodus & spirited away. the whole bus was so silent. i was on the verge of breaking down. yuhanis was crying and i was so down. sigh... reached the funeral parlour and 4G was already there. saw adrian korkor but he did not talk to me. mr chia pulled me aside to hear the songs i had to play. went to sit down with the other band members. i could not bear to see jean... too painful. the girls cried upon seeing jean. i was helpless, shocked. jean's mum was strong. she did not cry. i admire her. went in about two or three times to pay our respects. mrs chan, mrs lee, mdm nora, mrs koh, ms tan, ms koh, mrs ong & mrs tan were there too. seeing michelle and simyee cry, i was so stunned for words. after we observed a minute of silence, i started playing exodus upon mr yong's cue. flood of tears flowed freely down many people's eyes. i made a huge mistake! we keyed in the notes of exodus in yuhanis' hp. so when she started crying, i was there trembling. suddenly, the hp light went out. i panicked! thus, i played a few wrong notes which i hope jean will be understanding. i dun blame yuhanis for it though. the solo was just unbearable. had to play it two times alone which freaked me out. the song was specially for jean... sigh. the monk then started chanting. i began to get dizzy and started to have a severe headache. i was uneasy and my eyes kept twitching. this only happens when i am in the midst of another religion. we could not look up as the coffin was pushed into the hearse. i dun know the reason why though... my mum told me it was superstition. walked behind the hearse. boarded the bus to mandai crematorium. 4G did not go though... it was too crowded and furthermore, for the closer friends. when we reached the place, the alumni were already there. azlan asked me whether i was playing another song... so i told him maybe i would play jean's fav song. pirates of the caribbean. however, i did not play it in the end. went to hall 3. waited for a while before we paid our very last respect. at the viewing gallery, the crying was the worst. i won't elaborate though... beyond words to describe. sigh... had lessons after that which i could not even concentrate. i was so daze... looking around the auditorium. sighing away... thinking of the memories. thinking of jean. praying. oblivious to the surroundings... so ya, just give me some time to let go of the pain. in remembrance of jean... please observe a moment of silence. pray for her. think of her. but don't cry. be strong. remember...... ::In Loving Memory:: the two and a half years of friendship will always be treasured. everytime i think of you, it brings back beautiful memories of us marching and playing the clarinet together. and i will always remember the time when i last saw you. the fateful day when you fainted. and the times when you would ask me to teach you the most difficult parts of the outdoor repertoire. the times we had breaks together at the water cooler with shazana. times we sat together on the field. times we waited to fall in. i will always remember how cheerful you always were despite the setbacks. those wonderful times will forever be etched in my mind, never to be forgotten. you have been a true friend thru the past few years. a wonderful friend, a marvellous clarinetist, a devoted tk band member. though you weren't there with us physically when we won the best display band and the gold for indoor, you were still there for us spiritually. and you will forever be part of the golden batch to bring the victory to tk. 4 years may not be a long time, but i am sure i will never forget you. so though you have left us for a better place, i guess you are up there looking down at me blogging now. this whole post is dedicated to u. u will always remain in our heart, mind & soul... forever. ::Rest In Peace:: manddaw
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