Wednesday, July 28, 2010

when you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone, the face i came to know is missing too
when you're gone, the words i need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok...
i miss you.
-avril lavigne

manddaw

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

after a long day at sentosa, i want to sleep and get a good night's rest before work begins tmr. i am a blessed nsf... i get to go to sentosa on weekdays. :)

manddaw

Monday, July 26, 2010

after a period of hiatus, my brain has once again lapsed into a state of temporal shutdown. sigh. i miss writing. i miss writing, i really do... maybe i should think of writing a book instead of writing stuff here that only a minority bother reading. haha.

so anyway, had the fourth installment of Meiden Meridian Moichido! yesterday and though it didn't bring back the excitement as the first installment, i did have fun interacting with the new juniors. still having lots of difficulties interacting with them with the splattering of pathetic japanese which i can speak, but hey... i managed to at least get my name across. :) for now, i'm hoping yurika and natsumi get back to me and not be like their dear seniors (namely keisuke, yusuke, natsumi, ayano, yuka) who didn't reply any of our emails. in any case, i had a great fourth installment of MMM and i'm looking forward (if there is) to future collaborations. love aichi meiden...





so while i let the pictures speak for themselves wad a great day i had on sunday. a big thank you to...

miss susie sia swee suan for inviting the alumni back to play... it always brings back the good memories. i'm looking forward to more concerts under you, even though you always disturb me. and don't forget my commission for always bringing you business at band world. i love you susie!



aloysius... thanks for inviting me to your 21st. i had a great time just being there with band a. never felt free to laugh and enjoy myself in such a long time. :) you've been such a great friend and i wish you all the best in saf band. take care ya and happy 21st yet again!



aichi meiden. i really hope our friendship lasts long thru the times. thanks for being a part of my band life. i'm eternally grateful for all your kawaii smiles. stay cute girls!





yurika... clarinet SL



natsumi... kawaii neh?!?!

and let me just assure you that i'm not pissed off with you. i'm just being concerned that's all. so stop wallowing in self-pity cos i will always be here for you.



"if i told you that i realised
you're all i ever wanted
and it's killing me to be so far away
would you tell me that you loved me too
and would we cry together
would you simply laugh at me and say
i told you so...?"
- randy travis

manddaw

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

life is too short to deal with angsty friends... i'm living my life happy!



cycling was awesome. :)



you annoy me, my DB friends will catch you.

manddaw

Friday, July 16, 2010

i officially gave away my chance to go to japan and germany... i passed over the audition process cos perhaps the other clarinetists would want to go. and besides, with ivan, david, hongghee, qinjie and ronald all in line queuing for that coveted chance to go for a military tattoo, i don't stand a chance. so well... maybe some day, i might get to go to japan and germany. but for now, it's just me and singapore.

me and singapore alright man... with the numerous NDP NE shows taking up my saturday each week, i really have nothing else to commit myself to right now save for NDP. life has been so terribly mundane. i haven't had the chance to meet up with my closest friends... although i think with their new-found lives, i'm nothing but a forgotten memory, ignored and thrashed. =) there you go... i've found my place in the attic. have a great time out there ya?

i knew i was asking for it when i let myself become so emotionally attached... but hey, life goes on. =)

work has mundane... it seems like the amount of time spent doing admin far exceeds the amount i use to practice my clarinet. totally unacceptable... i need to devote more time to improving my technicalities. if anyone of you band b juniors happen to chance upon my blog and think you're suited for cranky women, hard-to-please men and yet have to handle lots of ridiculous paperwork, do leave me a note. i'll be more than willing to guide you through. i'll teach you how to deal with difficult women who PMS, handle an immature crappy girl who thinks arguing with you is fun and anything else you need to know. hahaha... however, you need to have a huge capacity for anger endurance and stress management, need to be able to take criticisms and scoldings and all the other major insults and turn them into motivating factors to do your job well.

for the record, you need to remain effectively neutral... cos many sides will be bitching at the same time. and as a PA, you will be bitching too. LOTS in fact... so take things with a pinch of salt and let things go in one ear, and out the other. you might see me stressed most of the time, but it's not that bad actually... PLS TAKE OVER FROM ME ASAP! THANKS! =) haha... so i can relax and take on a mentoring role before i ORD.

anyway, today's clarinet section outing was fun. totally enjoyed toys story 3... thanks ivan, biwei and david. more movies ya? that's right! can't wait... see you guys tmr. for now, i'll go to bed with a constant replay of the movie in my mind... woody and lightyear FTW! :)

manddaw

Sunday, July 11, 2010

people say songs can express the emotions of our hearts... and i totally agree. a few days ago, i seemed to be pining for friends, gotten myself upset over stuff and people. a broken heart perhaps got sustained as a result. but today in church, all i felt was the peace of the Lord. the assurance to always place our trust in Him, that He is our main focus and strength. seriously, i wonder why my heart hasn't been focusing solely on Him but everyone else... people who treat you merely as a friend. thanks anyway...

Beautiful Saviour

Jesus, Beautiful Saviour,
God of all Majesty,
Risen king,
Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous,
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star

All the heavens shout your praise,
All creation bow to worship You

How wonderful, how beautiful,
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name, name above every name, Jesus

I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you

manddaw

Friday, July 09, 2010

where do broken hearts go
can they find their way home
back to the open arms
of a love that's waiting there
and if somebody loves you
won't they always love you
i look in your eyes
and I know that you still care, for me

manddaw

Thursday, July 08, 2010

with heart and voice...

manddaw

Sunday, July 04, 2010

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

manddaw

Thursday, July 01, 2010

to recapture the essence of last year's SAF day, i rmb those long rehearsals, enduring the long agony of waiting for rehearsals, rushing to the parade square... getting all pissed off with jeffry chung for having so many rehearsals... yet here i am, one year later, wishing i was in the parade. i must be insane, i know. but if these would keep me busy, especially my mind busy... from all the misery that i'm living in right now, then why not? i've seriously had enough and i don't know why i pine for thee all the time. it's enough. i should start living for myself and not for other people cos it's draining me out.

so yea, SAF day. not involved this year but like i said, if doing it would take my mind of my predicament, then why not. yes, i'm glad i escaped those early morning wakeups just to go to safti for rehearsals... but heck, i hate it that band b seems to be isolated from band a and band c. i miss having ronald, paul, jinjun, nyzem, nelson, paul, yuping, hazmi, yiyang, zhengtao, anthony, zhichao, engloong all making me laugh. and not only that, i don't get to reminisce navy open house with band c. argh, it's like we're all alone... doing meaningless parades like OCS and POP.

and what's more, band b is so like shit. can't start properly without having to first screw up a simple "hormat senjata" a few times cos people can't freaking conduct for nuts. and what the heck, shifts the blame onto others. and don't fking give me your "oh-i'm-higher-ranking-than-you-so-don'-question-me" attitude. for your info, i didn't question you... it's just that you don't have the decency to ask nicely. the nominal roll was already churned out without you having to scream for it. even your name is not worth being mentioned.

each day, i ask myself what did i get myself into? sometimes i dream of life in band a or band c. how different would it be? would i be happier or more miserable. yes, i wouldn't have gotten so close to conrad and songhua and many other friends, and more importantly, an officer who lets me drive his car down to the guardhouse just because i feel lazy. reflections all contained within this heart and mind of mine. but nowadays, second thoughts keep coming. seemingly, COBAs seem so fun... not that COBBs isn't good. just wish i didn't have to deal with so many headaches.

i guess i just need more time alone to reflect more, keep my mouth shut more and keep my presence out of the office. maybe IP29 just misses me more than the office does. besides, my bro isn't there anymore anyway. sucks to be me.

manddaw